cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
