My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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