A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
