Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
