summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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