So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
