I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
