Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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