I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
