just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My feet surprised me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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