help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
