it was like his penis was on wheels.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
