great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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