New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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