I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
