Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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