Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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