K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
