...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
