i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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