i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
