Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
