i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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