escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
