9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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