***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
