Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
