And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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