i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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