i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
