Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
