thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
