I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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