we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
