Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
