Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
