if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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