Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Your dad touched me again.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
