I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They have beer where we have blood.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
