Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
