smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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