i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize