So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
