i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
