yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
