Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
