weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
