I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We need a shit load of segways right now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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