the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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