yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
