About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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