I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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