Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
