Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
