This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
