sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
