Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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