If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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