btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
