if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
