you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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