Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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