are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
