ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
