3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
