pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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