I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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