You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
