I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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