The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
