take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
