who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
