By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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