do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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