There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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