if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
