My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
