True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
