I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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