no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
